‘Snog Marry Avoid?’ is a self-proclaimed “makeunder” show, subverting the familiar format of transformation television in that its objective is proclaimed to be the celebration and promotion of a rather abstract concept they have entitled ‘natural beauty’. This, admittedly, lies in clear contrast to the usual set-up, where some interfering glamourpuss imposes an education in eyebrow pencils usually designed to force unsuspecting females to admit the futility of their existence and their failure as a woman.
So far, so well intentioned. However, much in the same tone as Cosmopolitan articles which encourage 'loving your curves' – rooted, of course, in the assumption that you already loathe them - before publishing twenty pages of advertisements for discounted liposuction, ‘Snog Marry Avoid?’ falls well short of female empowerment.
Jenny Frost – former Atomic Kitten turned Atomic Hypocritten – presents, and her sole reason for getting up in the morning is to persevere in her attack on cosmetic fakery. Quite rightly, she has ordained that thirteen year old girls painting on their skin-tone, supergluing their eyelashes and clipping in their hair before school is an indication of something sinister in our society, and she is on a one-woman quest to liberate modern women from the repressive shackles of mass-produced, unattainable ideals of beauty.
Or not. Naomi Wolf she certainly isn’t, and Jenny Frost in her bottle-blonde, permatanned glory would certainly seem like a confusing choice of prophet for this particular message. Therefore, rather than expose the mechanisms of the cosmetics industry and its dependence upon feelings of inadequacy in women, the main focus is instead on promoting a new, arguably MORE restrictive ideal of feminine beauty which allows for – nay, demands - the use of cosmetics but only when they are used in the right way.
Do you understand? This is where the “natural beauty” aspect of ‘Snog Marry Avoid?’ becomes problematic. It actually promotes an aesthetic ideal just as dependent on the much-vilified fakery as the Jodie Marsh style it intends to destroy. Brought before the dislocated voice of Pod - which is presumably the Wizard of Oz in drag – these girls spend approximately two seconds of being made under, having removed their make up and various extensions whether it be nail, lash or hair, before they are made OVER again. They are asked to choose which colour of hair dye they prefer – oh, very natural- and, in order to truly discover the essence of their own personality, which bland default celebrity they would most like to look like a Primark version of, e.g. Holly Willoughby. It actually turns out that beauty isn’t natural, it’s applied, and Jenny Frost is here to show you how you put it on. The only real difference between the original girl with the bleached hair, outrageous makeup and skimpy clothing and the girl who emerges with her hair coloured an ‘acceptable’ shade of brown wearing a frumpy dress she’d never have chosen is… the first girl looks like she’d be a bit more fun on a night out. Both are wearing make-up. Both have dyed their hair. Both have adopted the style of a dubious celebrity in a bid to fit popular ideas of what is attractive as promoted in mainstream media. Both are as fake as each other and simply modeling different flavours of fakery.
So what is the point of ‘Snog Marry Avoid?’ If appearance is an expression of personality then imposing a one-size-fits-all version of “natural beauty” can only negate individuality. For it to truly celebrate natural beauty, it would have to do something considerably more substantial than merely substitutie garish lipstick for clear gloss. The question of the title is revealing in itself. Snog, Marry, Avoid? So that is lust, love, total rejection, then. The show is deeply rooted in acceptance of a saint/whore dichotomy which categorises women in terms of whether they are Jodie Marsh style sluts or Willoughby-esque potential wives. From this, the show is not about rediscovering the natural beauty of women but instead all about pressuring women who look dangerous and sexually intimidating into becoming coy, pretty ladies who are able to “attract the right man.”
Attracting the right man is somewhat of a mantra in ‘Snog Marry Avoid?’ and, accordingly, male judgement is the key impetus for change as subjects realise the devastating truth: random men approached in the street have no interest in marrying them. Unfortunately this is a one-sided dialogue and it never occurs to the women involved that – hey - actually they might not be interested in being betrothed to this judgemental stranger either. Of course not! Because all women really want is for all men to really want them, don’t they? Um, no, that’s ludicrous. But that is exactly the kind of madness that ‘Snog Marry Avoid?’ promotes and unless you want to be all out rejected you better decide if you are the PVC-skirted sex kitten type doomed never to find the right man or the girl in the matronly dress made out of marriage material.
It is a shame that ‘Snog Marry Avoid?’ so completely fails in its objectives however there is hope yet. One possible improvement would make it much more authentic and, indeed, much more entertaining: why not push this idea of natural beauty? Round up the usual suspects in their stilettos and force them to remove all make-up, scrub off their fake tan, stop brushing their hair, even stop waxing their legs and underarms. Put them in brown, shapeless sacks. This is beauty at its most natural; let’s make this the new ideal. Let’s start with you, Jenny Frost, and see if they let you model Playboy knickers then, you saucy little hypocrite. On the other hand, we could always look to the real problem at the heart of this admittedly troubling fakery and start making over attitudes. After all, in a society where Abi Titmuss earns more posing in a nurse’s uniform than she ever can as a nurse and Katie Price wins ‘Woman of the Year’ in a women’s magazine, who can argue with mass produced sex as a means to success? The man on the street may not want to marry you, but a footballer inevitably will.
